"Fighters fight"

I have never known what I am capable of, or what I have longed to be capable of. I just have this fire inside of me. You know when you close your eyes and put yourself in place of your favorite movie or book character. 

But they were just dreams. Like a child reading fairy tales. 

It's been a year in the making - maybe two. Our first anniversary approaches, as does our second annual endurance adventure. I've begun to believe this life course is too good and too true. I've doubted so many times that I could muster true enthusiasm for our outdoor pursuits. It wasn't because I doubt Ben's seriousness or the thrill of the adventure. I doubt myself. 

This has lived inside my heart as a dream for so long, but I still didn't recognize it. Greatness. Beauty. Danger. Strength. All out - I didn't know how, but I knew I wanted to live all out. Suddenly the way lay before me, but I closed my eyes. My dreams had traded places with my reality while I wasn't looking. For reasons unknown I sought contentment in an obvious career path and in friends that prefer sitting and talking. 

Sure, I've been climbing for a couple of years and I've hiked a 220-mile trail, but I already had substance. I lacked passion and you always need both. I've been on a quest for passion.

"You've been sitting quietly for far too long."

Bilbo needed Gandalf to remind him that world is not in his books. He never offered safety, but he did promise a changed life.

Rocky Balboa knew the only answer to the fire inside is to fight even though it's crazy because "it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." Because fighters fight.

When Sam saw Frodo had been attacked by a giant spider, he didn't repeat his usual self-deprecating speech. "Sam did not wait to wonder what should be done, or whether he was brave, or loyal, or filled with rage. He sprang forward..."

So I did the only thing that made sense. I decided I'm a hiker and a climber and an all-around adventurer with a camera and a background in reporting. I'm married to a man who sees the world remarkably similar to me and different from most others. I decided I love news and I'm curious about nearly everything I learn and I love to ask questions. I decided I love running and feeling strong and attacking hills. I set my mind on learning to embrace the moment, pain or pleasure. In short, I decided to open my eyes and say yes to the life I always thought was a dream and no to the dream I always figured was my life - a dull, uninspired, voyeuristic existence.

Mark Driscoll says when you know who you are, you'll know what to do. I've decided to leave it as simple as that.