Journal pages, no. 11

*problems with photos; will update*

1. Looking back from the Golden Staircase on the way to Mather Pass. We hiked that entire thing on this day - Muir Pass to Mather Pass through a forest. This is the day we met a PCT hiker from Vail who told great stories, including one about a man who scared a grizzly with his trekking poles. || 2. Filling water at the meadow after the Golden Staircase, which is exactly what it sounds like: giant stairs made from rocks that went on F O R E V E R. || 3. Lots of lovely wildflowers along the trail. || 4. Looking ahead from Mather Pass. We camped near one of those visible lakes - in the shadow. The terrain felt like the moon. Not that I've been to the moon. But we slept just below 12,100 ft (the elevation of Mather Pass), so obviously there was little vegetation. 

July 19, 2012 | Day 11 | 23 miles:  

Made it to Mather Pass today after really wanting to get off the trail this morning. Eight blisters total on my left foot. Haven't counted my right. Both my achilles. My left knee at the day's start. But I want to finish - Ben & I both know that. So, so thankful for an active God. This is truly a test of my endurance and will mean big things for our marriage. "I may be weak, but your Spirit's strong in me."

On enduring something I was really, really bad at:

I've mentioned a couple of times that I considered getting off the trail in the middle of it. It was hard and I was not great at it. In the end, I'm proud of the way I fought pain and frustration, continuing on until the bitter end. But I wish my attitude had been better (so does Ben). I realize now, looking back, that I had never been bad at anything before, and that was the real struggle. I'm no golden child, but, up to this point, I'd managed 22 years of coasting through tasks and experiences many others muddled through. I got a job in journalism as a freshman and was promoted every year. I graduated high school with great grades I didn't really work for, and even with a full time job during college, I pulled off Cs or better in every class. I played varsity soccer when I wanted to.

These are random samples, but you get the point. Hiking was so, so different than anything I had ever experienced because I have life really easy. The tasks weren't easy, but for some reason I was pre-determined to excel at a rate that made me average at most things. This feels like bragging, but I actually think anyone who had to struggle is probably a better, more interesting person now. Any time, I encountered resistance, I side-stepped the issue. Friends. Personal problems. New skills. I never learned an instrument because I didn't practice, satisfied to skate by, fumbling for notes and melodies and theory that I was lucky enough to understand but not willing to put in the work to apply. I took the shortest, fastest, most direct route out of trouble every time. Guess what? You can't do that when you're 110 miles into a 210 mile trail and your only ride is waiting for you 100 miles and six days down the way.

For the first time ever I was challenged to admit I was failing at something and choose to keep going - to muddle through. Do you know what that's like? I hope so because it feels difficult to explain - and arrogant to admit. I was not prepared to come face to face with inadequacy. In the end, I did not give up, and that is a huge accomplishment. It wasn't because I coasted through, like everything else in life. I worked really hard. I fought a lot of demons that berated me and laughed at me. So when I say I hiked 220 miles and you think "Whoa, I could never do that," I encourage you to ask if you want to. If you want to, you can do it. You just might have the same problem I did. You'll have a more meaningful experience in the long run if you have to constantly tell yourself you want to be there. In the end, I was not a pro hiker, but I learned - first of all, I learned something that I had to consider and apply rather than memorize and regurgitate. I learned that I want to hike because it will take practice, and I want to spend my time doing something that surprises, challenges, excites, and humbles me. Being bad at something is truly the first step toward being good at something.





This is day11 of 14, recounting our experience hiking the John Muir Trail by posting the contents of my recently rediscovered trail journal. We hiked the trail in July 2012, and it changed my life. Catch up by reading the JMT journal pages nos. 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10